The dog at my kid's homework. Due to a doctor's appointment, Boy was unable to complete his homework assignment.
OK. Fine. Whatever. It was me. I lost it. Yes, again. OK? Alright? Happy?
Listen. We covered this already, five years ago when Girl went through First Grade. I have not gotten any better at keeping pieces of paper for an entire month in order to chart the moon's path through the sky.
Why can't you just tell them what the moon does? I am sure they will believe you. They believe anything at this age. C'mon. Make it work for you, honey. Santa, Easter Bunny, Daylight Savings Ogre who will come get you if you even think of getting out of that bed, mister. He doesn't care if it's only 6:30 - it's dark now. Get back in bed!
I have no excuse for the lost homework. I am just a bad mommy who finds it complicated enough to get dressed every morning, let alone to hold onto a piece of paper for 31 days (and nights).
Seriously. Did you know I was fully 38 years old before I realized belts weren't just for men? It never occurred to me I was supposed to be wearing them, too. So really, this type of organization seems like a lot to ask of someone who hasn't even mastered the finer points of something as basic as belts, don't you think?
Also? The moon comes out at night, which of course you probably already know, what with being a teacher and everything.
What you also probably already know, what with being Boy's teacher, is that by the end of the day, one gets pretty... well, tired of him, to be frank. I don't need an extra half an hour at the end of the day, hunting for a moon through the trees. I need for him to be in bed, asleep.
So this moon business is kind of getting on my nerves. And we're only half way done with the month!
Did you know that once I even remembered the assignment (a mere nine days in, plus a day to hunt down the chart you sent home...) we did go out looking for the moon, only to find that all the massive trees in our yard blocked it from view?
So, not only were we now outside in jammies, freezing, looking for the moon and trying not to step in dog poop, we now had to go get the car keys and DRIVE to the nearest McMansion development in order to see it. I am sure you can grasp the irony of using gasoline to visit the site of that ecologically sound practice of clear-cutting old growth in order to view... the moon.
Not only does this offend my environmental sensibilities, it tends to prolong the day, which is also offensive to my stay-at-home mom sensibilities. (See above.) Pretty much like most SAHMs, I am just running out the clock here, lady, not looking for ways to make that day any longer, if you know what I mean.
But we kept at it anyway, because we understand the value of
punishing the moms for leaving you with their children all day learning responsibility and completing assignments. Even on those nights when there was no moon to be found. Those were the most fun, by the way.
But anyway, after all that trouble, I've lost the paper. But don't worry, I am sure we will find it by tomorrow
as soon as my good friend Sue, a good mommy, drops off a copy of her daughter's.
*Boy attends school in French because Man and I thought, "Why not make his life as difficult as he makes ours?" and also, we felt like we should definitely have him learn a language that people the world over speak... provided, of course, they are (mostly) originally from France. Never mind that whole declining population thing there - even if the only people left speaking French in the whole world are Boy and his little gang of white-bread suburbanites, there's at least that whole "language of diplomacy" thing. Maybe it'll come in handy when those football playing bullies pick on them for being little French ninnies.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Posted by MadMad at 11:00 AM